Thursday, 12 July 2018

Any is too many. New beginnings.

Hello everybody, how are you all?
Wherever you are reading my blog then I send my best wishes and hope that you are well.

One thing I won't do as a blogger is post for posting sake. I like to share things with people, words, images, inspiration, fun, whatever it may be but it has to be a shared piece of work with a message and/or a purpose.

As you will have noticed, it's been a while since I shared my world with the world out there. It's been a hectic few months with many crazy things going on. A branch of illness that sent me into a crazy tailspin trying to get answers and find a cure and a crazy few months selling and packing up my former home. Both I hasten to add are now resolved.

I am now in a healthier place but it took me being so scarily unwell, to really look very closely at myself. I thought I lived a fairly healthy lifestyle but fairly healthy was in fact very unhealthy and I really needed to reign myself in and re-boot the way I eat, rest and play. I am back to basics with my eating.... fruits, veggies, salads, minimal meats (mainly lamb and turkey, the odd chicken and only organic lean red meat for making lasagnes and meatball type dishes) and nut and goats milks. I drink bottled mineral water or cool boiled and then filtered water and lots of lemon and ginger and herb teas. I take way more supplements than ever before and MSM pure flakes 100% and Colloidal Silver are now lifelong go to's for me as well as a massive daily dose of vit c 2500mg. That illness (that was predominantly skin based) scared the crap out of me and took five months to resolve. As good as our NHS is here in the UK, on this occasion they were useless and it took hundreds of hours of research and sourcing 'off list' medication via the internet to get myself well as well as spending £hundreds to try and seek relief and find a cure. There are seven other women affected by the same complaint in my friendship group and as I isolated myself completely, thankfully nobody caught it from me. I truly believe it is a silent plague that nobody is talking about but it will come out in the public eventually as more and more people are misdiagnosed and treated incorrectly and also deemed to be delusional in the process. My GP asked me twice was I imagining it until I showed him my bites and scars! He soon changed his attitude. Time will tell if the dermatology referrals prove empathetic and knowledgable. There is even a head of public health involved.

I am now 100% clear but I will never live my life the same way again. Our bodies are not meant to eat white carbs, (bread, rice, pasta, etc) white sugar, sugary drinks, doughnuts, cakes, pastries, synthetic cream, cows milk, the list goes on and although I didn't over indulge in any of those things, any is now too many for me. In fact I now have an 'ANY IS TOO MANY' list because I never want to go through that horrendous time again. As many of you know I have Lupus, that skin complaint put my Lupus in the shade. It was the worst experience of my life and there were days when I no longer wanted to be here. I would never have acted upon those 'ideations' for many reasons but none the less, the weight of the burden of trying to manage and to rid myself of the complaint was all too consuming for far too long. I feel blessed that I persevered and got to the other side of it. I feel blessed I have my health back. I feel blessed that I now only have the daily burdens of my Lupus to cope with and I feel blessed that I found a new healthy road to travel and explore in terms of food and self love.

I also moved home. Away from a locality I had lived with my children for almost 20 years. A locality I never really called home. A locality where I met some lovely people who will be in my life forever. A locality where I met some crazy people I am glad to get the hell away from. I realise of course that it isn't the locality but my choices that allowed these crazy people to impact upon me. I also realise that choosing to cleanse my life of people (detox) has much the same effect on you as a body detox does, in that things get worse before they get better. Not many people can take being told that how they behave isn't acceptable. Being made to face yourself in the mirror and hear that how you spoke to somebody, how you behaved hurt someone and that they no longer want you in their life is tough for most people to take and the back lash from being brave enough to do that this past few years with three different people has been crazy. People have retaliated with vitriol, abuse and downright vindictiveness but I stand by my 'people' cleanse as I stand by my 'body' cleanse as I stand by my 'home' cleanse. I live in a lovely new home. Smaller, more manageable, prettier neighbourhood, surrounded by friends, feeling free to roam the locality without retribution and ready to explore the alleyways, avenues and roads on this next part of my life's journey.

This has all taught me that any excesses that are not serving a purpose are 'too many' be it foods, substances, people, environments etc and I love the new 'detoxed' life I now live. Maintaining the lifestyle changes and learning from the lessons is key. We were not meant to eat certain foods, we are not meant to put up with certain people in our lives and if you can sense that you are not meant to remain in the environment where you are then choose to detox all aspects of your life. We are only here once and we are in charge of ourselves and our own wellbeing.

I am feeling healthier, more invigorated and more motivated by the day and the inspiration to continue with book two isn't far away. My writing den is now ready and I am looking forward to writing again. Fi needs to continue her journey too.

Thursday, 19 October 2017


With all the media coverage regarding Harvey Weinstein and the growing global 'social media' support of women. I say 'Me too'. 

I decided to post my story in the hope that it helps other women.

It's not just famous women that get treated abusively and sexualised in the workplace or indeed in public. It is going on everywhere all over the world and very few of us choose or are able to speak about it. None of my friends know my story... until now. I am choosing to speak out now.

I read a conversation on Facebook the other day in which a woman very bravely told her story and decided in her efforts to rid herself of the guilt, she would name these vile men 'Creepy Cunts'.

Now some of you will be offended by that name tag. Apologies if you are and please don't read any further because I'm using it a lot in this piece. Reading this brave woman's comments and her use of the phrase 'Creepy Cunts' to describe her perpetrators, gave me an 'aha' moment. I realised that for near on 40 years, I too have been carrying the guilt and shame because three men chose to abuse me. 

I'm pinching that tag line for myself let me tell you because listen here 'Creepy cunt' dentist that I used to work for. I did nothing wrong when you decided to hide in the dark room and scare the shit out of me, after I had placed a whole batch of expensive Panorex X-rays in the developing solution and whisper to me that if I opened the door I would ruin all those expensive X-ray plates and cost the practice a lot of money in re-newed patient and dentists time. You proceeded to laugh as you groped my breasts through my uniform and held my wrists as I attempted to punch you. I took a breath and I let you know that I was not laughing and that if you did not take your hands off me I would scream so loud, the whole practice would hear me. I then proceeded to open the dark room door, ruining all your X-ray films. I took my coat off the hook in the staff room, my bag from under the desk in my office and walked out of your practice. There was no point in reporting you to anybody. Who would believe me? I was the frigid office manager you said and you were just having fun. I did nothing to invite such behaviour towards me.

I'm pinching that tag line for myself let me tell you because listen here 'Creepy cunt' bar tender who grabbed me as I excited the ladies toilets in Rotters night club Oxford Road, when I was 18 years old and dragged me into a cleaning cupboard, slammed your hand over my mouth so I couldn't scream and proceeded to try and get your other hand into my knickers. I fought, with fear in my eyes, I fought and I managed to escape your grip, run out of the cupboard and bump into a guy leaving the gents toilet. I asked him to help me but he sneered at me as he gave you a wink, one 'Creepy Cunt' enabling another 'Creepy Cunt'. I ran out of the night club screaming to my friend that I was going home and I hailed a cab outside. I did nothing to invite such behaviour towards me. 

I'm pinching that tag line for myself let me tell you because listen here 'Creepy cunt' stranger in the street who smashed the car door out of my reach as I attempted to close it and straddle yourself across my knees as you began to grope my thighs and my vagina through my pants. You stunk of beer as you grunted and all the while I screamed and pummelled your chest with my fists in an effort to get you off me. My sister, the driver of the vehicle, punched you, screamed at you to leave me alone and blasted her car horn to attract attention. You got up, grinned as you looked into my eye's and slammed the car door as you walked off. We alerted a police officer and within 10 minutes of him driving the locality with us in our car, you were identified and arrested. We were at the police station for four hours giving statements and the police were confident of a successful outcome in court as you had suggested you were so pissed that 'whatever she says I have done, I did it!' Only you pleaded not guilty in court and the cross examination was horrendous for my sister and I. I was screaming at the defence who were implying that the assault was my fault. You got away with it on some technicality because I had identified you from behind! As I exited that court having to share a lift with the man who several months earlier had assaulted me and your solicitor, felt like a knife in my heart. I swore to myself that I would never report a rape should that happen to me. EVER. I did nothing to invite such behaviour towards me. 

All my life I have felt shame and guilt because of those attacks whenever they have entered my mind. I never discussed them with anybody. Seeing such brave stories of horrendous abuse or brave stories of milder abuse all over social media this week has prompted my post today. Whatever the level of abuse, it is still abuse. It is still the verbal and/or physical violation of a woman by men who think it is their right and that it is ok behave that way and that it is somehow the woman's fault that she was attacked. Well 'Creepy cunts' everywhere. It is NEVER our fault and it is NEVER ok and those muffled cries for help or those deathly silences of fear or those burdens of shame, are now turning into the world wide collective voices of women. We are at last finding our Lioness's Roars. Beware.

To women everywhere who have experienced any form of abuse from men be they in a position of power or not. I hold your hands sisters. I am sorry you went through whatever it was you did and I send you a virtual hug. 

Thursday, 7 September 2017

When is the right time to write?

Hello everyone, It's been a while since I have written specifically for my blog but I do tend to post to Instagram most days, so hopefully you will get the gist of aspects of my daily life via my blog address as my Instagram and blog sites are linked. 

Why and when do I write?

I write when I have something to say or when I am inspired to share or when I am inspired to create. I find it difficult to 'just' write and hence why, although I knew I would certainly be writing more books in the future, I didn't know when or what precisely. I trust in inspiration telling me when it is the right time to write.

I had major flashes of inspiration two weeks ago for book two. I thought when I finished book one that I had finished with the main character Fi and that I had gone as far as I could with her. However, I have had idea's popping into my head over the last twelve months or so and made notes in my notebook to that effect. The last two weeks have been very busy for me though because I had an idea for her and then the story has just continued to develop in my mind at a fast pace. I have spent over a week now writing for a large chunk of each day and I am loving it. I think when I have an urge to go to my desk with a cup of coffee whilst still in my pj's, I should follow that urge. The words are once again flowing onto the pages and the plot twists and turns dance around in my head and onto my notebook pages. 

It was important to me to once again secure my editor James and my cover designer Sarah Ollis too. I got the thumbs up from them both. I just need to have a conversation with Kate Kuwait now and preferably over a glass of wine or three, and then I will have my dream team behind me once more.

I obviously learnt lessons from writing book one and so I am voice typing straight onto iBooks author which will allow me to publish on iBooks as soon as it is edited. I can then transfer that document completely to software that is compatible for my self publishing company 

The fact that people are waiting for book two excites me, it fuels my passion to continue and actually makes me feel very proud. I am a debut novelist from Manchester UK, never had anything published for a wider audience before and the feedback for book one and the enthusiasm for book two, as I have said before, make me feel very humble. I am lucky to have people liking my work. 

I am excited to carry on with book two and I am so excited for you all to read Fi's continuing, exciting and completely unexpected journey.   

If anybody wants to interact and has any questions for me I am happy to answer any queries. Regards. Jayne. 

Monday, 8 May 2017

OMG! Proud of me!

Best day of my life as a writer! WOW. What a review. I feel like I've won the lottery. 🙏🙏
Exactly 23 Days – Jayne Higgins – loribookblog.

Friday, 28 April 2017

The juxtaposition of repeating the journey.

I have just returned from Plymouth to see my son who is in the final stages of his uni life. It was a busman's holiday for me, given that I was editing his dissertation ready for hand in date today.

The final leg of the journey to Plymouth takes me along the A38 and I have to say that that road is very significant for me. Almost three years ago when I travelled it, I was in immense emotional pain. I cried with hysteria the whole way there, I swore at the radio that was failing to soothe me with the music blasting from it, I drove erratically as I tried to make sense of the craziness of the previous 24 hours, screeching into a lay by and vomiting en route. Most importantly though, I needed to get to my son as quickly as possible. He had had an accident at uni and needed an operation, (nothing serious) but an operation and all it's risks none the less. I needed my son as much as he needed me. That was such a disturbing journey for me.

I spent a few days in Plymouth 'waiting'. Waiting for an NHS bed space to become available for my son, waiting for my head to absorb the effects of the body blow I had received just a few days before, waiting for my tears to stop falling, waiting for some space away from the phone calls and texts and endless explanations to my friends and family that added more questions to the many questions that I already needed answering, waiting for the seconds, minutes, hours, days and nights when I could drive home to Manchester and finally start to get those answers. The waiting was endless.

When I did finally leave to travel that long road back up North I left behind my boy, who had only been in uni a few weeks, I left behind a holiday that ended in the most traumatic way and I had left behind my marriage. My husband had admitted to having an affair. The journey along the A38 was painful for so many reasons but I had to drive carefully as I had a long way to travel. I put on music I loved that didn't invoke memories of others and I took regular breaks with my dogs to walk them and have drinks and snacks. I made it back to Manchester drained and in emotional pain but the pain threshold was about to rocket to the moon as the details of his affair began to emerge. That was the most painful joinery home in my life.

Almost three years later and I was off to Plymouth again. I was excited to embrace this beautiful place once more. Full of seafaring history, I was looking forward to walking on the Hoe and meandering my way down to the quayside, basking in the sounds, the smells and the sun as I sat at the outside bars! More importantly I would be spending time with my son and being able to see where he had been living for the past two years would allow me to visualise his whereabouts during our phone calls when I got back home to Manchester.

This journey on the A38 was so different, it was 9ish on a Sunday morning and fairly quiet and I was able to drive freely, sing loudly and enjoy the warmth of the sun and the warmth in my heart as I visualised embracing my boy again. It had been about 12 weeks since I had last seen him. The only disturbance on this journey was the voice of the woman giving me directions via my map app on my phone. The greeting from my boy was as you can imagine after 12 weeks not seeing him. I'm a lucky mum, I have a son who loves his mum and I am a mum who loves my son. Both my children are away from home and I miss them both terribly, so reunions are always filled with emotion and demonstrative acts.

I walked on the Hoe, I lunched by the quayside, I sat in the sun and drank beer looking at historical maritime vessels clashing with state of the art yachts and catamarans. A lovely start to my stay. I spent time sitting in the sun at a pavement cafe with my dogs, whilst reading the Sunday paper, drinking coffee and eating cake as I waited for my son to finish watching the Manchester United game. I looked at the architecture of the old maritime warehouses, the court house, the gin distillery and centuries old pubs nesting in amongst the modernity of the Barbican area and I smiled at the once public toilet building now transformed into a world famous (so the sign says) quayside bikers cafe, as I watched the bikers come and go by the dozen, their loud exhausts clashing with the sound of the seagulls screeching as the small trawlers came into harbour. It had been a perfect Sunday so far.

I went back to my sons residence which is a house shared by eight lads. They were welcoming and friendly and that was just to the dogs! I jest, of course. They were lovely. Offering to brew up and being happy to chat with me as they fussed the dogs. BUT. A student house full of boys is a student house full of boys and there was no way I was cooking or bathing unless I had cleaned the kitchen and bathroom. It's just in me. I do it when I go on holiday too (unless it's an ultra posh hotel!). Cleaning done, I then made curry and my son and I watched tv as people popped in and out of his room all evening to chat. A very long day having set off from Manchester at 4:30am but a really lovely, memory making day.

The next few days were all about dog walking, editing, eating and then repeat, repeat, repeat as the dissertation hand in date drew near. High fives, high spirits and hand in done it was a celebratory good bye meal and ready to head back up North. As my son packed some of his belongings for me to bring home for him, in a box under his bed was a copy of my book Exactly 23 days the first chapter of which details those awful months almost three years ago. The poignancy of the journey I had taken, that then took me on a journey to write my book and now here was THAT book going full circle, nestled in a box with the sandwich maker, XBOX console and dvds, on it's own journey back up to Manchester. Plymouth bonds me to my son, it bonds me to my journey back to me and it bonds me to my journey as a writer. It bonds me to Exactly 23 days.

As I drove back along the A38 to head home, it was bright, it was sunny and I was calm. The music was from my 'happy' playlist because I am happy in my life and I felt a soothing sense of closure. The A38 will always be etched in my mind as a part of a very significant journey for me. I am proud of me, proud of how I came through it, proud of how I dealt with my husband (silence is golden), proud of how I committed to my book idea and all that it continues to encompass to get it out there in the world. Yes, I am so proud of Exactly 23 days and of the journey it has taken me on. Welcome home book, welcome home.

You can BUY your copy from amazon, apple iBooks, Waterstones online, Barnes & Noble, Indiebound, Foyles and many more online outlets or by clicking the link here:

Finally as a mum I am immensely proud of my son, he's almost there. A few more pieces of work to complete but he's almost there. Within sniffing distance of his degree. He is a fun loving, funny, happy, caring young man who will hopefully get to pursue a career doing what he loves, working in the sports industry. Two children through uni as a single mum! I'm proud of that too. My greatest achievement in life by far.


Monday, 20 February 2017

How do you market your self published book?

As many of you will know from my previous blog posts, I am dedicating a third of this self publishing project to the marketing phase. The other two thirds being the writing and publishing phases. I have no prior experience in marketing or sales and I am literally 'winging it' as I go along. As I have also mentioned before, I put a post on social media, via Facebook, Instagram, Twitter and occasionally Pinterest as part of my every day 'to do' list in order to increase my author platform and drive sales. That generally takes me an hour and then I have to develop other ideas in an effort to spread my words. This is mainly done via email but can also include sending out signed copies to people in the book world and to celebrities who I feel may like my book and hopefully decide to post about it on social media. That is certainly my sole aim. I believe in my book and have done since receiving the feedback from my review team as I was writing it, indicating their enthusiasm for the next chapters as they rolled onto the pages of my laptop, through to today when I received a message this morning that three young women who share student digs, have read my book and I quote "absolutely loved it!". So how do I keep on driving myself to getting my book further and further out there in the world? 

My love for my gift of writing, my self belief in my gift and my gratitude for my gift all stoke my motivational fire. I am also blessed to have had consistent messages (as I have previously mentioned in my blog) of people's enjoyment of my book, together with them wanting to know when my next book is out. How can I not remain motivated when I get those kind of messages continuously and from such a wide spectrum of fans, women my own age (who I was pitching the book at as my target audience), elder women, young women in their 20's and even men in their 40's, 50's and 60's. That is an incredibly diverse range of the reading population, consistently telling me the same things about their enjoyment of MY book, MY debut novel. That is nut's to me.... crazy..... but good crazy! I love it. Who wouldn't? These are not my friends reviewing it any more these are strangers from far and wide now, who are taking the trouble to let me know via email or social media how much they liked my book and how it impacted and inspired them. I honestly believe that the secret to my book taking off is via social media, via a big name who reads it, enjoys it and shares it on their own social media accounts. Celebrity influence is massive. Social media is massive. Combine the two and the sales rocket. Kate Middleton wears a Reiss dress and boom it sells out. A celebrity with a large following tweets that they loved my book and boom, the sales rocket. 

To date I have had four negative reviews (three can be attributed to vindictiveness...(ex husband and ex friend .... yawn yawn, so be it, the haters are gonna hate!) and a woman who said she loved the plot but didn't like chick lit, so theoretically I have had one negative review based upon the fact she doesn't like the romantic comedy/chick lit genre of my book. I can live with that. My point being, it can only be a matter of time before a celebrity likes my book too and decides to message me or posts on their social media platform/s about it. So how do I get a celebrity to read it? I post copies, I email, I tweet them, Instagram them and hand deliver copies to them too! It can be very disheartening when you get nil response from celebrities (from the 100's of contacts made only 2 have replied) but I remain motivated, as I do firmly believe that a celebrity social media post is the key to further success. 

In order to keep the Instagram and Twitter ideas fresh and not get bored of posting or allow my followers to become bored of 'my daily sales pitch' postings, I have to think of new ideas to keep my interest in what I NEED to do. I am a modern day door to door saleswoman flogging my own book. I have to keep myself and my followers interested. It's very interesting researching and thinking and planning new idea's. I recently decided to focus on the number 23 as in the title Exactly 23 days and posted 23 reviews over 23 days and 23 facts about Fi (the main character) for the following 23 days. Tomorrow I will post about 23 places featured in the book and so on. I gave myself a two year marketing phase deadline but I decided 23 months is kind of close! That will be 7/10/2017.

If any of you have any idea's I would love to hear your suggestions and I enclose the 23 days of reviews for you as well as a direct link to purchase the book.



Sunday, 11 December 2016

The plot thickens.

Hi everyone, wishing you a Happy Christmas, Happy Holidays etc, whatever denomination of faith or not as the case may be, if and however you celebrate, I send my best wishes to you for the holidays was well as wishing you the very best of health and happiness for 2017 and if you are in the midst of chasing dreams, then stay focussed and keep chasing them. 

What did 2016 bring for me? 

It brought hard work marketing my book because as an indie author I have to market my work myself as I have stated previously. I continue to send my words out there via social media, emails and by sending signed physical copies for marketing purposes. In 2016 my book landed in Australia, Brazil, The Philippines, Spain, The USA and Morocco to name but a few. My blog traffic continued to grow both in numbers of readers and geographically. I devoted a lot more time to Instagram and less time to Facebook, as I find Facebook to be less of a successful tool for reader/author contact. I hope for continued growth in 2017 and marketing will remain on my daily agenda. I entered competitions for my book and I also wrote a children's Christmas book which I intend to publish and I will begin a second adult novel in 2017. I will also continue to seek ways to grow as an author and hone my craft by seeking workshops and creative writing classes. 

Commonalities in my life and my book.

For those who have read my book Exactly 23 days you will know that it is dedicated to women and the need to support each other especially in times of trauma. You will also know that the protagonist experienced betrayal on two separate occasions in differing ways throughout the plot and so it was an uncanny co-incidence for me to find myself at the mercy of betrayal in reality in 2016 and this time via a long standing girlfriend. I am not an instigator of trouble, never have been, BUT to quote a lyric from one of my favourite songs, 'I have a right to defend' and it continues, 'over and over again' . And so it has been for many months now that I have chosen to defend myself against one of my ex best friends attempts to continually sabotage my reputation in order to try to ensure that she appeared somewhat 'cleaner' than she actually is. Inevitably in these scenario's, people will jump onto one team or the other or even sit on the fence, which I find both enlightening and frustrating in equal measure. The enlightening aspect being that you get to realise 'who' people really are at their core, as they expose the real them. The frustrating part comes when you can quite clearly see from afar the web they have chosen to enter, in order to leave your life and become trapped in the silken snare of the betrayer. Several people have done that in either a blatant or cowardly manner to me this past few months. Their playground behaviour merely exposes their weaknesses and lack of moral fibre and courage and therefore enhances for me, the realistic core of human beings of very many years standing, that I choose to have in my life on a daily basis. Playground behaviour isn't for me but 'defending my name, my reputation and my integrity' ALWAYS will be. I have defended myself directly with the culprit and in an assertive and dignified manner at all times, without verbal or physical altercations. I will never, ever accept anybody trying to blame me and lie about my reputation as a woman in order to cover up their own behaviour. I have come away from all of this still being able to sleep soundly at night, having the support of my loved ones and my great network of women being at the core of my daily life. Not only do we choose wrongly at times in love relationships but also in friendships too. As is the case here. I am however, emotionally savvy and sound enough to see it for the reality that it is, rather than to dwell upon it as any great loss. I am extremely grateful for the lesson it has taught me and once again the 'wood for the tree's' scenario presented itself to me, albeit 18 years too late. The behaviour was always there but I was just too nice to see it... until I was betrayed and then my right to defend, over and over again kicked in. 

I hope that my protagonist Fi, from Exactly 23 days would be proud of me, as she too is a woman of honour and dignity in the aftermath of betrayal. I also hope that this blog posting touches somebody who needs it. Somebody who maybe questions themselves, doubts themselves and struggles to 'defend' themselves in the aftermath of betrayal, be it from a lover, family member or friend. I say to anybody in that position, in your minds eye, just imagine yourself stood atop of a hill, overlooking the mess going on beneath you and if you truly know in your 'gut' that you HAVE been betrayed, then simply walk away, in your mind, in your heart, in your core being and leave them all to it. We are here on planet earth for such a minute aspect of time, within the billions of years the universe has been around and people who choose to TRY to hurt or betray you are really not worth your inner and outer beauty. Whilst they remain at the bottom of the heap sowing havoc, you get to stand at the top of the hill admiring a different, beautiful ever changing view and take it from me, life is so so peaceful from where I'm standing right now.

Be there for you, be there for the GOOD people in your life and remember to be there for someone who doesn't always feel that they 'have a right to defend'. Nice begets nice.

To my fans worldwide I say thank you for buying my book, for reviewing my book, for sharing my book with others and for reading my blog and following and getting in touch with me on social media. Once again a very, very happy 2017 to everybody. Jayne. 
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