With all the media coverage regarding Harvey Weinstein and the growing global 'social media' support of women. I say 'Me too'.
I decided to post my story in the hope that it helps other women.
It's not just famous women that get treated abusively and sexualised in the workplace or indeed in public. It is going on everywhere all over the world and very few of us choose or are able to speak about it. None of my friends know my story... until now. I am choosing to speak out now.
I read a conversation on Facebook the other day in which a woman very bravely told her story and decided in her efforts to rid herself of the guilt, she would name these vile men 'Creepy Cunts'.
Now some of you will be offended by that name tag. Apologies if you are and please don't read any further because I'm using it a lot in this piece. Reading this brave woman's comments and her use of the phrase 'Creepy Cunts' to describe her perpetrators, gave me an 'aha' moment. I realised that for near on 40 years, I too have been carrying the guilt and shame because three men chose to abuse me.
I'm pinching that tag line for myself let me tell you because listen here 'Creepy cunt' dentist that I used to work for. I did nothing wrong when you decided to hide in the dark room and scare the shit out of me, after I had placed a whole batch of expensive Panorex X-rays in the developing solution and whisper to me that if I opened the door I would ruin all those expensive X-ray plates and cost the practice a lot of money in re-newed patient and dentists time. You proceeded to laugh as you groped my breasts through my uniform and held my wrists as I attempted to punch you. I took a breath and I let you know that I was not laughing and that if you did not take your hands off me I would scream so loud, the whole practice would hear me. I then proceeded to open the dark room door, ruining all your X-ray films. I took my coat off the hook in the staff room, my bag from under the desk in my office and walked out of your practice. There was no point in reporting you to anybody. Who would believe me? I was the frigid office manager you said and you were just having fun. I did nothing to invite such behaviour towards me.
I'm pinching that tag line for myself let me tell you because listen here 'Creepy cunt' bar tender who grabbed me as I excited the ladies toilets in Rotters night club Oxford Road, when I was 18 years old and dragged me into a cleaning cupboard, slammed your hand over my mouth so I couldn't scream and proceeded to try and get your other hand into my knickers. I fought, with fear in my eyes, I fought and I managed to escape your grip, run out of the cupboard and bump into a guy leaving the gents toilet. I asked him to help me but he sneered at me as he gave you a wink, one 'Creepy Cunt' enabling another 'Creepy Cunt'. I ran out of the night club screaming to my friend that I was going home and I hailed a cab outside. I did nothing to invite such behaviour towards me.
I'm pinching that tag line for myself let me tell you because listen here 'Creepy cunt' stranger in the street who smashed the car door out of my reach as I attempted to close it and straddle yourself across my knees as you began to grope my thighs and my vagina through my pants. You stunk of beer as you grunted and all the while I screamed and pummelled your chest with my fists in an effort to get you off me. My sister, the driver of the vehicle, punched you, screamed at you to leave me alone and blasted her car horn to attract attention. You got up, grinned as you looked into my eye's and slammed the car door as you walked off. We alerted a police officer and within 10 minutes of him driving the locality with us in our car, you were identified and arrested. We were at the police station for four hours giving statements and the police were confident of a successful outcome in court as you had suggested you were so pissed that 'whatever she says I have done, I did it!' Only you pleaded not guilty in court and the cross examination was horrendous for my sister and I. I was screaming at the defence who were implying that the assault was my fault. You got away with it on some technicality because I had identified you from behind! As I exited that court having to share a lift with the man who several months earlier had assaulted me and your solicitor, felt like a knife in my heart. I swore to myself that I would never report a rape should that happen to me. EVER. I did nothing to invite such behaviour towards me.
All my life I have felt shame and guilt because of those attacks whenever they have entered my mind. I never discussed them with anybody. Seeing such brave stories of horrendous abuse or brave stories of milder abuse all over social media this week has prompted my post today. Whatever the level of abuse, it is still abuse. It is still the verbal and/or physical violation of a woman by men who think it is their right and that it is ok behave that way and that it is somehow the woman's fault that she was attacked. Well 'Creepy cunts' everywhere. It is NEVER our fault and it is NEVER ok and those muffled cries for help or those deathly silences of fear or those burdens of shame, are now turning into the world wide collective voices of women. We are at last finding our Lioness's Roars. Beware.
To women everywhere who have experienced any form of abuse from men be they in a position of power or not. I hold your hands sisters. I am sorry you went through whatever it was you did and I send you a virtual hug.
