Thursday 19 October 2017

ME TOO

With all the media coverage regarding Harvey Weinstein and the growing global 'social media' support of women. I say 'Me too'. 

I decided to post my story in the hope that it helps other women.

It's not just famous women that get treated abusively and sexualised in the workplace or indeed in public. It is going on everywhere all over the world and very few of us choose or are able to speak about it. None of my friends know my story... until now. I am choosing to speak out now.

I read a conversation on Facebook the other day in which a woman very bravely told her story and decided in her efforts to rid herself of the guilt, she would name these vile men 'Creepy Cunts'.

Now some of you will be offended by that name tag. Apologies if you are and please don't read any further because I'm using it a lot in this piece. Reading this brave woman's comments and her use of the phrase 'Creepy Cunts' to describe her perpetrators, gave me an 'aha' moment. I realised that for near on 40 years, I too have been carrying the guilt and shame because three men chose to abuse me. 

I'm pinching that tag line for myself let me tell you because listen here 'Creepy cunt' dentist that I used to work for. I did nothing wrong when you decided to hide in the dark room and scare the shit out of me, after I had placed a whole batch of expensive Panorex X-rays in the developing solution and whisper to me that if I opened the door I would ruin all those expensive X-ray plates and cost the practice a lot of money in re-newed patient and dentists time. You proceeded to laugh as you groped my breasts through my uniform and held my wrists as I attempted to punch you. I took a breath and I let you know that I was not laughing and that if you did not take your hands off me I would scream so loud, the whole practice would hear me. I then proceeded to open the dark room door, ruining all your X-ray films. I took my coat off the hook in the staff room, my bag from under the desk in my office and walked out of your practice. There was no point in reporting you to anybody. Who would believe me? I was the frigid office manager you said and you were just having fun. I did nothing to invite such behaviour towards me.

I'm pinching that tag line for myself let me tell you because listen here 'Creepy cunt' bar tender who grabbed me as I excited the ladies toilets in Rotters night club Oxford Road, when I was 18 years old and dragged me into a cleaning cupboard, slammed your hand over my mouth so I couldn't scream and proceeded to try and get your other hand into my knickers. I fought, with fear in my eyes, I fought and I managed to escape your grip, run out of the cupboard and bump into a guy leaving the gents toilet. I asked him to help me but he sneered at me as he gave you a wink, one 'Creepy Cunt' enabling another 'Creepy Cunt'. I ran out of the night club screaming to my friend that I was going home and I hailed a cab outside. I did nothing to invite such behaviour towards me. 

I'm pinching that tag line for myself let me tell you because listen here 'Creepy cunt' stranger in the street who smashed the car door out of my reach as I attempted to close it and straddle yourself across my knees as you began to grope my thighs and my vagina through my pants. You stunk of beer as you grunted and all the while I screamed and pummelled your chest with my fists in an effort to get you off me. My sister, the driver of the vehicle, punched you, screamed at you to leave me alone and blasted her car horn to attract attention. You got up, grinned as you looked into my eye's and slammed the car door as you walked off. We alerted a police officer and within 10 minutes of him driving the locality with us in our car, you were identified and arrested. We were at the police station for four hours giving statements and the police were confident of a successful outcome in court as you had suggested you were so pissed that 'whatever she says I have done, I did it!' Only you pleaded not guilty in court and the cross examination was horrendous for my sister and I. I was screaming at the defence who were implying that the assault was my fault. You got away with it on some technicality because I had identified you from behind! As I exited that court having to share a lift with the man who several months earlier had assaulted me and your solicitor, felt like a knife in my heart. I swore to myself that I would never report a rape should that happen to me. EVER. I did nothing to invite such behaviour towards me. 

All my life I have felt shame and guilt because of those attacks whenever they have entered my mind. I never discussed them with anybody. Seeing such brave stories of horrendous abuse or brave stories of milder abuse all over social media this week has prompted my post today. Whatever the level of abuse, it is still abuse. It is still the verbal and/or physical violation of a woman by men who think it is their right and that it is ok behave that way and that it is somehow the woman's fault that she was attacked. Well 'Creepy cunts' everywhere. It is NEVER our fault and it is NEVER ok and those muffled cries for help or those deathly silences of fear or those burdens of shame, are now turning into the world wide collective voices of women. We are at last finding our Lioness's Roars. Beware.

To women everywhere who have experienced any form of abuse from men be they in a position of power or not. I hold your hands sisters. I am sorry you went through whatever it was you did and I send you a virtual hug. 
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Thursday 7 September 2017

When is the right time to write?

Hello everyone, It's been a while since I have written specifically for my blog but I do tend to post to Instagram most days, so hopefully you will get the gist of aspects of my daily life via my blog address as my Instagram and blog sites are linked. 

Why and when do I write?

I write when I have something to say or when I am inspired to share or when I am inspired to create. I find it difficult to 'just' write and hence why, although I knew I would certainly be writing more books in the future, I didn't know when or what precisely. I trust in inspiration telling me when it is the right time to write.

I had major flashes of inspiration two weeks ago for book two. I thought when I finished book one that I had finished with the main character Fi and that I had gone as far as I could with her. However, I have had idea's popping into my head over the last twelve months or so and made notes in my notebook to that effect. The last two weeks have been very busy for me though because I had an idea for her and then the story has just continued to develop in my mind at a fast pace. I have spent over a week now writing for a large chunk of each day and I am loving it. I think when I have an urge to go to my desk with a cup of coffee whilst still in my pj's, I should follow that urge. The words are once again flowing onto the pages and the plot twists and turns dance around in my head and onto my notebook pages. 

It was important to me to once again secure my editor James and my cover designer Sarah Ollis too. I got the thumbs up from them both. I just need to have a conversation with Kate Kuwait now and preferably over a glass of wine or three, and then I will have my dream team behind me once more.

I obviously learnt lessons from writing book one and so I am voice typing straight onto iBooks author which will allow me to publish on iBooks as soon as it is edited. I can then transfer that document completely to software that is compatible for my self publishing company www.completelynovel.com 

The fact that people are waiting for book two excites me, it fuels my passion to continue and actually makes me feel very proud. I am a debut novelist from Manchester UK, never had anything published for a wider audience before and the feedback for book one and the enthusiasm for book two, as I have said before, make me feel very humble. I am lucky to have people liking my work. 

I am excited to carry on with book two and I am so excited for you all to read Fi's continuing, exciting and completely unexpected journey.   

If anybody wants to interact and has any questions for me I am happy to answer any queries. Regards. Jayne. 
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Monday 8 May 2017

OMG! Proud of me!

Best day of my life as a writer! WOW. What a review. I feel like I've won the lottery. 🙏🙏
https://loribookblog.wordpress.com/2017/04/27/exactly-23-days-jayne-higgins/
Exactly 23 Days – Jayne Higgins – loribookblog.
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Friday 28 April 2017

The juxtaposition of repeating the journey.

I have just returned from Plymouth to see my son who is in the final stages of his uni life. It was a busman's holiday for me, given that I was editing his dissertation ready for hand in date today.

The final leg of the journey to Plymouth takes me along the A38 and I have to say that that road is very significant for me. Almost three years ago when I travelled it, I was in immense emotional pain. I cried with hysteria the whole way there, I swore at the radio that was failing to soothe me with the music blasting from it, I drove erratically as I tried to make sense of the craziness of the previous 24 hours, screeching into a lay by and vomiting en route. Most importantly though, I needed to get to my son as quickly as possible. He had had an accident at uni and needed an operation, (nothing serious) but an operation and all it's risks none the less. I needed my son as much as he needed me. That was such a disturbing journey for me.

I spent a few days in Plymouth 'waiting'. Waiting for an NHS bed space to become available for my son, waiting for my head to absorb the effects of the body blow I had received just a few days before, waiting for my tears to stop falling, waiting for some space away from the phone calls and texts and endless explanations to my friends and family that added more questions to the many questions that I already needed answering, waiting for the seconds, minutes, hours, days and nights when I could drive home to Manchester and finally start to get those answers. The waiting was endless.

When I did finally leave to travel that long road back up North I left behind my boy, who had only been in uni a few weeks, I left behind a holiday that ended in the most traumatic way and I had left behind my marriage. My husband had admitted to having an affair. The journey along the A38 was painful for so many reasons but I had to drive carefully as I had a long way to travel. I put on music I loved that didn't invoke memories of others and I took regular breaks with my dogs to walk them and have drinks and snacks. I made it back to Manchester drained and in emotional pain but the pain threshold was about to rocket to the moon as the details of his affair began to emerge. That was the most painful joinery home in my life.

Almost three years later and I was off to Plymouth again. I was excited to embrace this beautiful place once more. Full of seafaring history, I was looking forward to walking on the Hoe and meandering my way down to the quayside, basking in the sounds, the smells and the sun as I sat at the outside bars! More importantly I would be spending time with my son and being able to see where he had been living for the past two years would allow me to visualise his whereabouts during our phone calls when I got back home to Manchester.

This journey on the A38 was so different, it was 9ish on a Sunday morning and fairly quiet and I was able to drive freely, sing loudly and enjoy the warmth of the sun and the warmth in my heart as I visualised embracing my boy again. It had been about 12 weeks since I had last seen him. The only disturbance on this journey was the voice of the woman giving me directions via my map app on my phone. The greeting from my boy was as you can imagine after 12 weeks not seeing him. I'm a lucky mum, I have a son who loves his mum and I am a mum who loves my son. Both my children are away from home and I miss them both terribly, so reunions are always filled with emotion and demonstrative acts.

I walked on the Hoe, I lunched by the quayside, I sat in the sun and drank beer looking at historical maritime vessels clashing with state of the art yachts and catamarans. A lovely start to my stay. I spent time sitting in the sun at a pavement cafe with my dogs, whilst reading the Sunday paper, drinking coffee and eating cake as I waited for my son to finish watching the Manchester United game. I looked at the architecture of the old maritime warehouses, the court house, the gin distillery and centuries old pubs nesting in amongst the modernity of the Barbican area and I smiled at the once public toilet building now transformed into a world famous (so the sign says) quayside bikers cafe, as I watched the bikers come and go by the dozen, their loud exhausts clashing with the sound of the seagulls screeching as the small trawlers came into harbour. It had been a perfect Sunday so far.

I went back to my sons residence which is a house shared by eight lads. They were welcoming and friendly and that was just to the dogs! I jest, of course. They were lovely. Offering to brew up and being happy to chat with me as they fussed the dogs. BUT. A student house full of boys is a student house full of boys and there was no way I was cooking or bathing unless I had cleaned the kitchen and bathroom. It's just in me. I do it when I go on holiday too (unless it's an ultra posh hotel!). Cleaning done, I then made curry and my son and I watched tv as people popped in and out of his room all evening to chat. A very long day having set off from Manchester at 4:30am but a really lovely, memory making day.

The next few days were all about dog walking, editing, eating and then repeat, repeat, repeat as the dissertation hand in date drew near. High fives, high spirits and hand in done it was a celebratory good bye meal and ready to head back up North. As my son packed some of his belongings for me to bring home for him, in a box under his bed was a copy of my book Exactly 23 days the first chapter of which details those awful months almost three years ago. The poignancy of the journey I had taken, that then took me on a journey to write my book and now here was THAT book going full circle, nestled in a box with the sandwich maker, XBOX console and dvds, on it's own journey back up to Manchester. Plymouth bonds me to my son, it bonds me to my journey back to me and it bonds me to my journey as a writer. It bonds me to Exactly 23 days.

As I drove back along the A38 to head home, it was bright, it was sunny and I was calm. The music was from my 'happy' playlist because I am happy in my life and I felt a soothing sense of closure. The A38 will always be etched in my mind as a part of a very significant journey for me. I am proud of me, proud of how I came through it, proud of how I dealt with my husband (silence is golden), proud of how I committed to my book idea and all that it continues to encompass to get it out there in the world. Yes, I am so proud of Exactly 23 days and of the journey it has taken me on. Welcome home book, welcome home.

You can BUY your copy from amazon, apple iBooks, Waterstones online, Barnes & Noble, Indiebound, Foyles and many more online outlets or by clicking the link here: https://completelynovel.com/books/exactly-23-days

Finally as a mum I am immensely proud of my son, he's almost there. A few more pieces of work to complete but he's almost there. Within sniffing distance of his degree. He is a fun loving, funny, happy, caring young man who will hopefully get to pursue a career doing what he loves, working in the sports industry. Two children through uni as a single mum! I'm proud of that too. My greatest achievement in life by far.



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Monday 20 February 2017

How do you market your self published book?

As many of you will know from my previous blog posts, I am dedicating a third of this self publishing project to the marketing phase. The other two thirds being the writing and publishing phases. I have no prior experience in marketing or sales and I am literally 'winging it' as I go along. As I have also mentioned before, I put a post on social media, via Facebook, Instagram, Twitter and occasionally Pinterest as part of my every day 'to do' list in order to increase my author platform and drive sales. That generally takes me an hour and then I have to develop other ideas in an effort to spread my words. This is mainly done via email but can also include sending out signed copies to people in the book world and to celebrities who I feel may like my book and hopefully decide to post about it on social media. That is certainly my sole aim. I believe in my book and have done since receiving the feedback from my review team as I was writing it, indicating their enthusiasm for the next chapters as they rolled onto the pages of my laptop, through to today when I received a message this morning that three young women who share student digs, have read my book and I quote "absolutely loved it!". So how do I keep on driving myself to getting my book further and further out there in the world? 

My love for my gift of writing, my self belief in my gift and my gratitude for my gift all stoke my motivational fire. I am also blessed to have had consistent messages (as I have previously mentioned in my blog) of people's enjoyment of my book, together with them wanting to know when my next book is out. How can I not remain motivated when I get those kind of messages continuously and from such a wide spectrum of fans, women my own age (who I was pitching the book at as my target audience), elder women, young women in their 20's and even men in their 40's, 50's and 60's. That is an incredibly diverse range of the reading population, consistently telling me the same things about their enjoyment of MY book, MY debut novel. That is nut's to me.... crazy..... but good crazy! I love it. Who wouldn't? These are not my friends reviewing it any more these are strangers from far and wide now, who are taking the trouble to let me know via email or social media how much they liked my book and how it impacted and inspired them. I honestly believe that the secret to my book taking off is via social media, via a big name who reads it, enjoys it and shares it on their own social media accounts. Celebrity influence is massive. Social media is massive. Combine the two and the sales rocket. Kate Middleton wears a Reiss dress and boom it sells out. A celebrity with a large following tweets that they loved my book and boom, the sales rocket. 

To date I have had four negative reviews (three can be attributed to vindictiveness...(ex husband and ex friend .... yawn yawn, so be it, the haters are gonna hate!) and a woman who said she loved the plot but didn't like chick lit, so theoretically I have had one negative review based upon the fact she doesn't like the romantic comedy/chick lit genre of my book. I can live with that. My point being, it can only be a matter of time before a celebrity likes my book too and decides to message me or posts on their social media platform/s about it. So how do I get a celebrity to read it? I post copies, I email, I tweet them, Instagram them and hand deliver copies to them too! It can be very disheartening when you get nil response from celebrities (from the 100's of contacts made only 2 have replied) but I remain motivated, as I do firmly believe that a celebrity social media post is the key to further success. 

In order to keep the Instagram and Twitter ideas fresh and not get bored of posting or allow my followers to become bored of 'my daily sales pitch' postings, I have to think of new ideas to keep my interest in what I NEED to do. I am a modern day door to door saleswoman flogging my own book. I have to keep myself and my followers interested. It's very interesting researching and thinking and planning new idea's. I recently decided to focus on the number 23 as in the title Exactly 23 days and posted 23 reviews over 23 days and 23 facts about Fi (the main character) for the following 23 days. Tomorrow I will post about 23 places featured in the book and so on. I gave myself a two year marketing phase deadline but I decided 23 months is kind of close! That will be 7/10/2017.

If any of you have any idea's I would love to hear your suggestions and I enclose the 23 days of reviews for you as well as a direct link to purchase the book.  https://completelynovel.com/books/exactly-23-days



























 


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